By: Maureen Nerim-Atkins, Therapist
Angela Ward, Case Manager
Every day, families struggle to support loved ones living in a different city or state with a mental illness. Proper support can be the foundation of treatment. However, it’s not always possible to give a supportive house visit, phone call, or email. One reader sent a particularly thoughtful question, regarding the difficulties of caring for an individual hundreds of miles away.
Dear Community Reach Center,
“How can we help family members who have mental illness and live hundreds of miles away from us? My brother is 62 and lives 600+ miles away in a state with no other relatives. He has schizophrenia, hasn’t taken any meds for decades, and is an alcoholic. He loses his cell phone and we have no way to contact him or check on him. I write him a note every once in a while, enclosing a self-addressed, stamped envelope, which he’s used only once to respond. We’ve sent him “throw-away” phones but don’t have any luck with that either. I know police will make a well-check if there’s a specific reason to be concerned. Other than making the long drive, is there any way we can check on him?”
Dear Reader,
I understand your concern and frustration with wanting to help your brother. Your brother’s noncompliance with medication and treatment recommendations may worsen the overall course and symptoms of his schizophrenia. However, compliance is especially difficult when dealing with alcoholism, which causes a significant drop in reasoning as well as a lack of motivation to change.
When you can talk with your brother, it should be done in a supportive and non-blaming manner. You could emphasize the day-to-day benefits of treatment, such as lowering anxiety and being able to sleep better. Additionally, I suggest sending a list of nearby community mental health and substance use programs. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website has a treatment services locator. Using your brother’s zip code or address, SAMHSA will find his nearby treatment centers. You can also include contact numbers for the nearest department of social services.
If you are able to plan a trip to visit your brother, you could offer to go with him to the nearest mental health organization for an evaluation. However, like you suggested, if you feel your brother is at risk for harming himself, others, or seems gravely disabled, contact local law enforcement and request a wellness check.
I praise you for your continuous efforts to help your brother. As hard as this may seem, you have to find a way to respect your brother’s right to refuse treatment and medications. I encourage you to understand, and let your brother make his choices. It is possible, if his symptoms worsen, that his choices could lead to hospitalization. However, he will have to live with the difficulties of his path; you and your family cannot live it for him.
Your brother is an adult, and as heart-breaking as it is to watch a loved one’s life fall apart and yet reject treatment, we must remember he does have the right to refuse treatment and medications. His reasons for not seeking treatment could include mistrust towards medical staff, disbelieving he has a mental illness or substance use problem, feeling he can manage without treatment, or feeling stigmatized by his schizophrenia diagnosis.
Having a loved one with a mental illness can be hard. Although your devotion towards your brother is commendable, I imagine the situation has caused you and your family to experience your own anxiety and stress. I encourage you to take care of yourself and attend support groups for family members who have loved ones with mental illness. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has support groups that meet throughout Colorado.
The Adams County support group meets the last Wednesday of the month, 7:00-9:00pm, in the boardroom at Community Reach Center’s Mary Ciancio Memorial Building 8931 Huron St., Thornton, CO.
Maureen Nerim-Atkins is a Therapist at Community Reach Center’s Thornton Office. Angela Ward is a Case Manager for Community Reach Center’s Commerce City Office.
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Founded in 1957, Community Reach Center has outpatient offices in Commerce City, Northglenn, Thornton, Brighton and Westminster, and operates three residential-treatment homes. To learn about Community Reach Center or our services, visit www.CommunityReachCenter.org or call (303) 853-3500.